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Feature of the Month: Things Your Man May Never Tell You by DeQuan Jones

DeQuan debunks common myths about how men behave in relationships

Blowjobs, beers in the shower, and football on any day of the week are obvious delicacies to the average man. But what constitutes a real man? The science of this question is too broad to consider. Men fight hidden battles on fronts that women don’t consider. Will I compromise my masculinity by telling my wife how I really feel or will I come across as not being in control? Will speaking out about what I don’t like in my partner jeopardize our relationship status? These 6 myths debunked will guide you on your way to understanding and evolving the man in your life.

Myth #1: Men are not emotional.

Shocker alert, some men are just as, if not more, emotional than women. Unlike feminine nature, a man’s masculinity doesn’t allow him to express these emotions on the same basis as a woman. Think of a man’s emotional side as symbolic to a novel: bland and unenthused on the outside but concealing strong passions within. The true task for women is convincing their significant other to open up and it is an uphill battle, but one that has endless rewards. By encouraging him to be expressive, you help him release pent up emotions. Ultimately leading to him (and likely, you) being a happier person.

Myth #2: Men don’t know how to communicate effectively.

No matter how unenthused he may seem about a new guy your friend is dating or what happened on the last episode of Scandal, your man actually likes to talk. The key is finding a perfect median of your interests. We as men sometimes are hesitant in conversing because talking to your homeboys and your woman requires a different degree of honesty. It’s a game of Russian roulette discerning how women will react to a gaping level of honesty. A man has no problem telling his homeboy that the shirt he has on makes him look like a deacon at a Baptist church. That brutal honesty would have a much different effect if it were being relayed to the woman in his life. It requires an effort of censorship. So rather than ponder on ways to tiptoe around what we really want to say, sometimes we just don’t even bother at all.  As a woman, suppressing your instinct to judge could be a valuable tactic to understanding your guy.

Myth #3: To men, appearance is everything

Beauty, to an extent, is a societal standard. The biggest mistake I feel that men make is acknowledging it at the wrong time (ex. pulling up next to a beautiful woman at a stoplight and trying to get her number). But deep down it’s just physical stimulation. Compassion, intelligence and a laugh-at-life sense of humor can get you farther than any physical attribute.

Myth #4: Men hate to show affection

Masculinity is one of the most repressive elements of a relationship because men feel a need to be tough at all times. This compulsion will cause him to duck and dodge displays of love and affection. Think about how many times we’ve joked or squirmed out of a tender or loving moment.  Allison forced me to watch Steel Magnolias and I haven’t been the same since. What we really value is loyalty. Once your loyalty has been proven to be unwavering, he will start to show how he feels about you. The trick is being receptive. It may not come in the form of traditional displays of affection, but it will be his own way of expression and just as meaningful, nonetheless.

Myth #5: Men only care about sex

It’s easy for a woman to automatically have her guard up with the assumption that all he’s chasing is “playtime,” but the truth of the matter is it’s all depending on the guy. True – that is the case with some, but a woman’s intuition does a good job with singling out the wolves in sheep clothing. A guy that is at a point in his life where he is ready for a relationship is the exception. It’s natural for him to want to sleep with you because, well, he’s a guy, but it also means that he is attracted to you, likely on a physical and emotional level. The real testament is how you make him feel when you’re with him. Does your presence make him feel happy and more positive about life? That’s what we ultimately care about.

Bonus: the concept that men think about sex every 7 seconds is also a myth. This is a statistic that’s virtually impossible to record. Besides, who has the mental stamina (or time) for that??

Myth #6: Men are not monogamous by nature

I’m no scientist but in this case I will use science to contradict a myth that has been reinforced since the beginning of time or as long as I can remember. DNA testing has established that in most animal species, neither males nor females are sexually monogamous, although many are socially monogamous at least for a season. These tendencies are no different than human nature. Women are socialized to limit sexual attraction to one male, but, the truth of the matter is that women’s personalities are more well suited for multiple partners – way more so than men’s. Statistically, women are better at multitasking and have superior communication skills which makes them best suited for multiple partners. Classic case of the pot calling the kettle black. The mistake most women make in this department is trying to tame men that aren’t ready to be tamed. Give your man time to grow. When a man truly loves a woman and wants to be faithful, he will be.

Ladies (and gentlemen): what’s your take on what my wonderful (and brutally honest) husband had to say about how men really think? We would love to hear from you! He and I will be holding a Periscope chat to answer any and all questions/comments you may have. Follow @LiveLifeWell_Blog on Instagram and like the Facebook page for information on when your question/comment will be addressed live and uncut!

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